Become A Better Listener Through Eastern Philosophy: Practice Self-Trust and Detachment
Your ability to listen influences your comprehension of information, your decision making, your empathy, and your relationships.
Our Problem: To be a powerful listener, you must be 100% present. You cannot listen and build your response simultaneously. The integrity of listening is broken and the maximum potential of understanding is limited. Listening, purely for the intention of listening, can initially seem like a challenge, especially in a time where we multitask constantly and are accustomed to instant gratification. However, we must evolve. If you’re listening at a 50% capacity, you’re missing out on half of what could be understood. That is a lot. Imagine you’re baking a cake, and you’ve decided to read only half of the recipe. This is a really simple example, but think about it. How would that cake turn out? We also tend to jump to conclusions and stop listening when we think we know what the other person is saying. This is another pitfall we need to avoid. We’re not setting ourselves up for success when we do not pause and properly listen.
Relevant Read: As seen in this recent Harvard Business Review, Are You Really Listening; poor listening skills can lead to poor decisions. This is great read in the context of a workplace.
“This sort of sustained attention to listening allows leaders to pick up on early signs of both danger and opportunity — and that, in turn, allows them to do their jobs and serve their organizations better.” — Adam Bryant and Kevin Sharer.
The Solution Inspired by Eastern Philosophy: Self Trust and Detachment.
Self Trust
I’ve been reflecting on how to transform my listening skills and move towards 100% presence. I realized I need to have a lot more self trust for true presence. Do I trust myself enough to have high value responses after giving my 100% to listening? Do I really need to be multitasking in a conversation? Is there a requirement? Where does that belief come from? I tested this theory out to pause when someone else was speaking and fully listen, without thinking of my response, or judging the information…and the results were incredible. I realized the more I focused on what the other person was saying, the more confidently and precisely I responded. In fact, authentic and high value responses come from intentional listening. Anything else, would leave room for errors, misunderstandings, chance, etc. Presence should be extended to all that we do, making each activity intentional, and thereby, more impactful.
Detachment
The second tenet I realized I need to practice for better listening is detachment. I often go into conversations with an expectation of how the conversation will flow, etc. But to be 100% authentic to the other person and to truly listen, we must let go of our expectations of what should be talked about or even agreed upon. Surrendering is required. Again, this is not to disregard what you want to share. Share. Plan. Communicate. Lead. But let go. If you have a certain expectation of what you want to hear, you will be disappointed or agitated, or restless. These expectations can be harmful and unfortunately, can encourage dishonesty. You cannot be an authentic listener if you have an expectation of how a conversation should be and a desire to control it.
Self trust and detachment can empower us to listen authentically, and respond authentically. These tenets can transform our relationships, decision making, career, and ultimately, our lives.
